I was a walking basket case.  I’d been through personal crises before but I’d never hit bottom like this time. I couldn’t eat, I was having trouble sleeping, I was depressed and felt abandoned and worthless. If my neighbors hadn’t been carpooling me to and from work every day, I would have lost my job, too.  I’d just lost my second marriage and was feeling like the all-time failure of the world. 

There seemed to be no one to help me out of the depths of despair into which I’d sunk.  My parents and siblings were all in emotional crises of their own, my husband had left me and I’d had bad experiences with not one, not two, but three therapists.  Finally, I realized there was nowhere else to look but up – to God.  When I stopped looking around for a human hand to help and threw myself wholly on God’s mercy, I opened up the door to the floodgates of His love. 

I woke up early one Sunday morning in August of 1991 (not a common occurrence for a night owl type like me) and found myself driving to a nearby Church.  It was closed!  (They were on a summer schedule and the service was scheduled for an hour and half later.)   It seemed to pop into my mind to go to a particular neighboring church for their 8 a.m. service.  I later realized God was “planting” me in a place where I’d be around just the people I needed to help me in my spiritual and emotional recovery.

I hadn’t been to church in years – well, more like decades.  I felt shy and hesitant.  I sat in the back (in case I needed to make a quick getaway)…People were friendly but I didn’t feel quite ready to respond.  I was hurting too deeply.  I’d been betrayed by too many people in my life that I should have been able to trust.  I kept coming to the 8 o’clock service. 

Then I tried a Saturday Bible study class.  Several of the women made friendly overtures.  One kept trying to tempt me to come to the later service and hear the choir.  One week I tried it and liked it.  Gradually I became more involved in more groups – I joined the choir, I became the secretary to the vestry, I attended the adult education programs.

God provided me with all I needed in every area of my life. Besides having neighbors to drive me to and from work, my health plan steered me into a therapy group that, over time, helped me begin to deal with the emotional problems from my past that were creating ongoing problems in my adult life.  I met a man there that, at first, frightened me. As we got to know one another and worked on our childhood issues in the group, we grew closer. We discovered a spiritual as well as an emotional connection. We fell in love and married and are carrying on the healing we’d started in the therapy group – through our faith and the Lord’s loving guidance.

I began to realize that the “hole in my soul” was now filled – completely – with God’s unconditional, all-encompassing, forgiving love.  It took me several years to get to the point of making a “searching and fearless moral inventory “ (step 4 of the Twelve Steps), but the Lord is patient.  When I finally realized that His love was truly unconditional and forever, I could finally look at my faults and failings honestly – and, with His help – accept His forgiveness and let them go. 

Now I’m surrounded by loving people who are helping me in my Christian walk through life.  I want to stay on the right path for the rest of my life.  Even though life still throws problems, challenges and heartaches my way, I never have to deal with any of it alone.  I always have the Lord by my side as well as all the wonderful helpers he’s sent my way – especially through my St. Andrew’s family. 

This church feels like I’ve “come home” to a safe, loving and restorative place.  The people are so caring and supportive and the preaching feeds my soul week after week.  Fr. Mike is especially good at showing me how the Bible teachings relate to my day-to-day life.  He speaks with sincerity and enthusiasm – the Gospel is more than just an academic topic to him – it’s deeply rooted in his being and comes through in his teachings and pastoral work with the people at St. Andrew’s.  -- Anne Simon

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